For scoping, I like using ...yet and ...today to remind myself that it's not permanent.
I can't do that...yet.
I am really frustrated with my kids....today.
This enables the possibility of change as you say.
And yes to enlisting others. In one job, my teammates instituted an "Eric Self-Deprecation Patrol" to keep me from putting myself down in every meeting. Having people call me out on it made me realize just how unrelenting I was about it, and how often I did it without noticing. After a year, I at least grew more conscious of the habit and eventually broke it.
I like this! "Yet" and "today" do handle most cases, don't they?
I also want to underline that this tool is useful in shaping other folks' opinions, too. It sounds like you were lucky to have teammates who refused to believe your self-doubt. But sometimes the people around us _believe us_ when we doubt ourselves, since they expect us to know ourselves. So that makes it doubly important to check how we tell our story.
One reason I use self-deprecating stories is as a way of "de-pressurizing myself". If I joke about things going really poorly, it makes it easier for me to relax by acknowledging the worst possible outcome and then looking to improve on it. When I say I am "XYZ version of excellent" I feel this incredible surge of anxiety that I have set an impossible expectation of myself that would be disastrous if I failed at it.
Not sure if anyone else relates to this or if there is another way to handle it I haven't thought of yet!
I relate to this; I've seen it and lived it! I think the self-deprecating jokes only become harmful when we repeat the same ones over and over. At some point, they become part of our identity, and that tends to be limiting.
Most things we're consistently bad at, are so by choice. My memory is terrible for trivial things, but I know my document and account numbers by heart.
However, we also have hardware limitations. I always tried *hard* to be good at soccer for many years, but never stopped being a liability to the team I was playing in.
Well, now we're just arguing about what it means for a situation to suck! But sure, some people enjoy it more than others, and it is more painful in some companies than others.
For scoping, I like using ...yet and ...today to remind myself that it's not permanent.
I can't do that...yet.
I am really frustrated with my kids....today.
This enables the possibility of change as you say.
And yes to enlisting others. In one job, my teammates instituted an "Eric Self-Deprecation Patrol" to keep me from putting myself down in every meeting. Having people call me out on it made me realize just how unrelenting I was about it, and how often I did it without noticing. After a year, I at least grew more conscious of the habit and eventually broke it.
I like this! "Yet" and "today" do handle most cases, don't they?
I also want to underline that this tool is useful in shaping other folks' opinions, too. It sounds like you were lucky to have teammates who refused to believe your self-doubt. But sometimes the people around us _believe us_ when we doubt ourselves, since they expect us to know ourselves. So that makes it doubly important to check how we tell our story.
One reason I use self-deprecating stories is as a way of "de-pressurizing myself". If I joke about things going really poorly, it makes it easier for me to relax by acknowledging the worst possible outcome and then looking to improve on it. When I say I am "XYZ version of excellent" I feel this incredible surge of anxiety that I have set an impossible expectation of myself that would be disastrous if I failed at it.
Not sure if anyone else relates to this or if there is another way to handle it I haven't thought of yet!
I relate to this; I've seen it and lived it! I think the self-deprecating jokes only become harmful when we repeat the same ones over and over. At some point, they become part of our identity, and that tends to be limiting.
Makes sense!
Your main point resonates.
Most things we're consistently bad at, are so by choice. My memory is terrible for trivial things, but I know my document and account numbers by heart.
However, we also have hardware limitations. I always tried *hard* to be good at soccer for many years, but never stopped being a liability to the team I was playing in.
So we're not completely malleable...
Yep, there are definitely hardware constraints. We are not wizards; we cannot defy the laws of physics.
"Being on-call sucks" is an allowed generalization. It does. Trust the pro. It's just some people like when it sucks around them.
Well, now we're just arguing about what it means for a situation to suck! But sure, some people enjoy it more than others, and it is more painful in some companies than others.